I never quite understood why parents, more specifically mothers, treat their sons differently than their daughters; and I don’t mean in boys are better, boys should be tougher kind of way. What I mean is, at least in my culture and some cultures I’ve observed, mothers tend to favor daughters. They spend more time with them, are more likely to chat with them on a regular basis, and when it comes to grandkids, even the grandkids are more likely to be favored if they are from the daughter.
This is something I’ve observed in my own family circle. I’ve observed this behavior on my husbands side of the family. I can’t speak for mine because I have all sisters. But my husband has one sister, and I noticed that his mother is more likely to spend more time with her daughter and her family than my husband.
When my sister in law was pregnant with her first child—this was about 4 years ago—-my father-in-law once told me that once her baby came, things would be different—our son was born first and then my sister in law became pregnant— but he told me that once her baby came, things would no longer be the same between us. And at that moment, I did not really grasp what he was trying to say. Of course, it made me feel sad, but I understood that she was his daughter, his blood. So I brushed it off and didn’t think much of it. Don’t get the wrong picture here, my in-laws are the sweetest and kindest people you will ever meet. Which is why I was so surprised by that comment.
But after a while and I had time to think about what he said, I asked myself, “isn’t my husband your son and blood too? How is that any different? Is it me? Is it because I carry my son and I am not your daughter?” I was so confused. I still don’t understand. Do you?
I didn’t think things would really change, and in a small way, they have not. But if you look at the bigger picture. There are definitely big differences.
Now, wait a minute, I am not saying I am jealous or upset about this. Rather, I am sad for my husband and my son. I feel like my husband is disregarded as less or as non-important like his sister. As for my son, I feel he won’t have that special bond he used to have with his grandparents. That’s what I am really worried and sad about. I find myself, reading articles, psychology articles, books and all to get some sort of understanding but I still fail to make sense of it.
Have you experienced anything similar? Or seen/read anything about this? I am curious to learn.